she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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