matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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