she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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