We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
