I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
