I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
