Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
