yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
