I feel great
I just peed on a car
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize