so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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