another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
