I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
