Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
