pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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