Why are handjobs necessary in class?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
