11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize