i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need a beard to bite.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
