Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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