So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
