just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
