When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
