you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
