I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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