ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
