I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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