STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
