Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
