No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
