Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Too much gin, very little bucket
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
