Four minutes until I can fart!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
