i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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