If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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