Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
