Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
