Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
