Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
