I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
