yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
