i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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