Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
