Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
