my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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