He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
