i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
