And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize