Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
