She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
