she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
