im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
