Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
