So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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