I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
