the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm passing your future prison.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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