Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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