Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
