can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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