You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
