i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
