You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
