I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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