I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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