Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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