Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
