He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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