you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
