If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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