I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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