he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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