I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
