Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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